Why They Call It "Expectant"

Sometimes I find myself in a battle of mixed emotions. I can't seem to decide how I feel about the fact that there's less than three months left until Josiah's here. (!!!!!!) Maybe it's just another side effect and symptom of pregnancy as a result of hormones gone crazy, but I definitely feel sometimes like I'm schizophrenic.

One moment, I'll be freaking out that there's only three months left!!! Not only do we have nothing for him yet except a box of clothes, a semi-painted crib (that's not put together yet) and a single impossibly tiny little diaper. (Something tells me that that one little diaper won't last very long.) But I also have no idea how to get him from being cozy in there to the outside world. Sure, I have my ideas (or nightmares) of how it'll be; yes, I've watched A Baby Story and have seen other peoples' labor and delivery; of course, I've been reading through What To Expect and various other pregnancy books...but really, I have no clue what to truly expect. Not to mention that he's still not wholly and completely formed yet. So, yeah...most of the time I think there's not enough time to get everything done that needs to get done before he gets here. So, let's just leave him in there a while longer and let him get a little cuter. And let Mommy and Daddy enjoy a few more days of sleep.

But then I watch one of those episodes of A Baby Story (really, why do I keep torturing myself with this???) or see someone else get to hold their new life in their arms and I just completely lose it...uncontrollably. I get so jealous and my heart feels like it really can't take the wait a moment longer. I just have to know what he looks like and how he feels in my arms and what it sounds like when he cries and how his daddy looks at him.

But then, in both moments of unpreparedness and longing, the LORD's gentle peace comes over me, reminding me to stop thinking of the future and to take in all of today. To pause and truly experience the joy of expectancy now. To continue to marvel at the tiny kicks and flips because it won't be long until I'll be trying so hard to remember what they felt like. To enjoy the daily growth of my belly...aches and all. And to remember that He holds all time in His hands and He, in His infinite wisdom and understanding, has set aside this specific length of time to perfectly grow a baby and to get ready, in mind and resource, to take proper care of this little guy.

I want to enjoy every minute of today. And I plan on it. I mean, it is Friday...and a snow/ice day...and I have a pizza in the freezer and chocolate in the fridge...and lots of cuddling to do with my baby-daddy.