Breaking the Silence

Coming back to that giant, blank, white space after a long silence is always so intimidating.

Where do I start? 

Something light and trivial? Hmmm...like, the weather? LOVING this fantastic cool-front we've been having!!! It's always nice to not have to peel my skin off the leather chair when I stand up. It's only a little annoying to have to keep the kids cooped up still because of the rain and muddy playgrounds...especially when it feels SO GREAT outside. But I'll take it.

A life update? My baby is almost one. ONE. My son is starting Pre-K next week. Like, legitimate Pre-K. Where it means that NEXT YEAR is most likely Kindergarten (haven't quite made that final decision yet). Who are these big kids? Better yet...who am I? How did I get two grown, almost-adult children in my home and how am I almost 32? Whoa.

The child has a big, pink balloon in her hands, but that look on her face is for her Daddy. Need I say more?

Also under life update? It's August. That means Staff planning and Leadership Retreats and Dorm Move-ins and Welcome Week events and crock pot meals (and let's be honest here...tons of drive thrus) and overflowing kitchen sinks and laundry baskets and trash cans and hearts and new friendships. It's August, man.

A heavy-hitter about what's been swirling around in my heart lately?Ahhh! So much! I just can't even. Okay. But I want to. Just not not here. Not right now. Hopefully soon.

Does anybody (besides my mom) really care or have time to read my silly thoughts? Actually, she probably doesn't have time either...but I know she'll make time cuz she's my #1 fan. Right, Ma? Speaking of...today is that lady's birthday. What a woman, I say!

Man, it's just that I enjoy writing so much. Or maybe it's just that I enjoy sharing my thoughts so much. I mean, who doesn't? But sometimes, it feels like a typical middle child scheme to get more attention. To get more pats on the back and applause (not to be confused with "applesauce" which I actually typed first) and compliments.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I have a deep desire for that particular kind of release. And sometimes I feel desperate to just say (write) what's on my mind. I don't always have gloriously deep and thought-provoking things to say. But sometimes I do.

Lately, I've felt more and more like some of the things the Lord has put on my heart are for far more than just myself or the handful of people around me. It seems like the things I'm learning or have experienced could be useful and helpful and encouraging to many others, but instead of choosing to open up here, I just shrug my shoulders and decide that nobody wants to read my rambling.

And I'm starting to feel like that's not the truth.

Can I just confess that that's a hard thing to say in a culture where false-humility is valued over confidence? I'm almost positive that The Lord really does have something to say to someone, or even many others, through me and my experiences That something I've already learned or am still learning about walking with Jesus or marriage or motherhood or ministry or whatever could potentially change hearts and lives, but the enemy has had his way in my mind and I've believed that it's just not that important. I'm really not that big of a deal and nobody really cares what I have to say. Someone else can definitely say it better, more eloquently and probably type it far faster and with fewer mistakes than I ever can.

So why bother? Why let those dishes pile up while I sit here and waste my time?

Lies.

What other lies have I believed? What lies have you believed? What is something that you've been holding back from doing that could potentially be a huge impact on others? Or even just a huge impact on your relationship with Christ?

I'm honestly not that great of a writer and I really don't always have lofty things to say. But sometimes I do. And I need this space, this little corner of the internet, to have as my mouthpiece from time to time.

And sometimes...I just need to share that funny thing Josiah said or that adorable thing Lydia did or that brilliant thing my husband fixed. And I need the whole world to know hear/see/know about it.

So. If you would...stick with me. Not because I need the extra attention or strokes to my ego (although...I am a middle child, afterall), but because there may be a rare nugget of something profound that just might pierce your heart in that wonderful way.

At least, that's all I can hope for.