If Only I Had More Time...

Every day I have an idea or a thought-process for a blog post. There's SO MUCH going on right now that I want to remember. Not just the details and the pictures, but also my feelings and such. But have you seen my house? (Gah, I hope not!) What would my house even look like if I took the time to actually write out everything swimming in my head? I'm just so sorry the world may never know all the deep, deep thoughts in my head.

Consider that the favor and grace of God in your life. ;)

But there's so much.

I'd love to finally be able to write out Lydia's birth experience. Well, not her experience so much as mine. Maybe someday she'll be able to articulate what she experienced that day, but for now I'll take a simple, "Mom, I'm not really hungry. Just sleepy. But I don't wanna go to sleep. Well, I do, but only if there's a certain part of your body shoved in my mouth."

I'd love to write all about the first month of her life with us and our life as a family of four. And I'd love to include all the cute/hilarious stories we've already accumulated. Like, the times when Lydia suddenly goes ballistic out of nowhere and after a few moments of me trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong, I find she's gotten a chunk of her own hair in her tightly clenched fist and is so mad (and in pain) that her fist just gets tighter when I try to uncurl it...of course, resulting in higher-pitched screams. And then her poor little scalp is bright red for half an hour. And I'm laughing at her...as is the mother's right and privilege.

I'd love to write all about how Josiah is adjusting and all the super adorable things he says and does. I'd also love to write about how hard it is to be completely present for him in the way that he's used to us being and how I have to keep reminding myself that him having a sibling is a far, far better thing for him than having our undivided attention. And also, how hard it is to get that kid to be quiet.His whispers wake the neighbors up. And Homegirl is not a heavy sleeper. Well played, God. Well played.

I'd love to write all about how breastfeeding is going the second time around and how apparently 3.5 years makes all the difference in the world when it comes to my maturity level and laziness and selfishness. Also, I'm a fan of my independence. I've been lovingly teased before because I often use the phrase, "I just don't wanna be pinned down." Yeah...well...nursing a newborn is nothing if it isn't being pinned down...for 20 hrs of the day. Hopefully, some day I will be able to write out more of my thoughts and experiences with all this, but for now, I'll just say this... I begged the Lord...begged and pleaded like Hannah begged for a child, for breastfeeding to work out this time. And He's totally making it possible. But with great privilege comes great responsibility, right? And what a pill it's been for a selfish, lazy, independent person to swallow.

I'd love to write all about how emotional it is to be binge-watching episode after episode of Gilmore Girls (perfect timing, Netflix!) while nursing my daughter. (I only watch it while nursing...and not even every time I'm nursing, but I'm already almost through the whole first season. That's a lot of being "pinned down" if ya ask me.) A show all about the various dynamics of mother-daughter relationships? While spending countless hours with my own daughter? And already in her 1 month of life, we have had quite the roller-coaster relationship. Not at all on her part...totally on mine.

I'd love to write about a great many things.

But I'll just wrap it up with this (because a little diva just woke up from her 10 minute nap and is apparently starving again...here I come, Gilmores!):

The Lord has been so sweet. To all of us. We knew it would be a hard season for us. For Matt, with it being the beginning of the school year and the craziest, busiest time of the year. And for Josiah, with not being the only kid and the object of everyone's attention all.the.time. And for me, with recovering from major surgery and having a few other complications (see, I'd love to write about that too). And for Lydia, with...you know...life and being a newborn and being dependent on selfish, lazy people who still haven't become fluent in newborn. (She has it the hardest out of us all, really.)

It's been hard. But the Lord has been so sweet. And so faithful. He's provided for every little thing we've had need of. Physical. Financial. Emotional. Spiritual. You name it. He's come through.

One of the sweetest ways He's provided? The onset of intentional smiles...just when Mommy's about to throw in the proverbial towel. Because they really do make everything better. 

And Then There Were Four

Our girl is here...

Lydia Katherine

September 5, 2014, 1:12pm

8lbs., 20.75in

Perfect. 

We really are so in love. All of us.

I want to make note of two very obvious things:

1. I'm no photographer. These are just a lame attempt on my part to get some photos of the babe that are at least a step or two above the iPhone pics I have thousands of already. But if you or anyone you know is an actual photographer and wants to come take some pics of a most precious little girl and her family for free (or for hugs and cookies)...please pass them my name and number. 

2. I have plans to post a little more about her birth and the first couple weeks of life, but as you can imagine, that task is a bit of an overwhelming one in my mind at the moment. I waited an entire year to write about Josiah's entrance into the world and I'm positive I forgot things or I remembered them differently than they actually occurred. And it's not like her birth was incredibly dramatic or exciting...it was all pretty much straightforward and routine. But there are some details I want to remember and tons of pictures I want to include. So, that is all forth-coming, hopefully in the next week or so.

All in all, we're doing well...adjusting, recovering, taking our journey into the new "normal" one day at a time. Please continue to pray for us as we learn this new life and re-learn each other in these new roles.

What an adventure this life really is!

My Memory Bank: Josiah These Days

Every day, and so many times throughout the day,  I think, "I need to write this down somewhere."

We're mere days away from becoming a family of four and I have this overwhelming urge to try to bottle up who Josiah is at this time in his life. I just know who he is right now is on the verge of changing...a lot. Just like we all will be changing, I know he will be too. So much of what he says and does and the various facets of his exploding personality tends to escape me as time goes by and it kills me to think that my favorite things about him might be a bit overshadowed by this other wonderful occasion of welcoming a new person into our family...and the inevitable sleep deprivation that comes along with her.

So, more for my memory's sake than anything else...

* The way he talks with his head...especially when he's in "Negotiator" mode. He cocks it to the side and shakes/nods it as if to show us how to say "yes" to whatever he's suggesting. And there's usually a bit of a killer crooked grin present to sweeten the deal. **Mental note: train this boy up in the Lord to be kind and respectful and to learn to accept "no" graciously. This level of heart-melting persuasion could really be trouble in the future.**
 

* The way he whisper-sings songs to Lydia in my belly. His favorite one to sing right now is Daniel Tiger's "You Can Be A Big Helper in Your Family." It's from the newest episode where he becomes a big brother. Melts my heart. And I've tried to get a video of him doing it, but it's really a very difficult angle and quite unflattering of me.

*He's actually become quite the enthusiast about helping Mommy and Daddy do some things around the house. It's not because of the Daniel Tiger song, although, it does help to relate it to that, and it's not always actually even helpful to us. Oftentimes, it's quite the opposite. But I'm rarely opposed to encouraging a helpful spirit. For example, he likes to help fold the washcloths and small dish towels and put away the silverware (bonus points for sorting skills!) and whatever baking/cooking that doesn't interfere with watching shows and picking up things Mommy dropped or can't reach and occasionally helping Daddy water the plants. Let's just hope he's just as helpful at fetching bottles and pacis and burp cloths.

Helping Mommy put away the silverware.

* His favorite shows to watch right now are Design Squad and Sid the Science Kid on PBSkids. Design Squad is a show with real kids who are working to create and re-purpose things and figure out how things work. Basically, little engineers. And he loves it and is constantly trying to do what they do. I've even seen the effects of it when he hasn't necessarily been watching the show. I'll find him pretending to create something. He told me the other day that he created a pulley out of an old lanyard hanging up by the front door with our keys. He was using it to send food up a tree to a family. And went on to describe (in great detail) how he made it and how he was using it and what foods they were eating. He's three. And Sid the Science Kid is all about various aspects of science...obviously. And I kind of let him watch as much of those shows as he wants because, Lord knows, his genes are not scientifically stocked.

Showing me how his pulley system works.

* Kid still puts together a mean puzzle. His favorite right now is the giant dinosaur puzzle from Nana and PopPop. Every time I've picked him up from school this last week he's doing puzzles. And he gets upset that I came to take him home and interrupted him.

* He does not like to be sticky or dirty. He's currently refusing to finish his waffle and is begging me to get him out of his seat so he can wash his hands. (I gave him a fork, but he threw it on the floor.)

*Also, he knocks his cup on the floor whenever it's empty. Drives me insane.

* He adds an additional past tense on most, if not all, his verbs. For example: "We danced-ed at the party." "I dropped-ed my fork." "I had-ed to go potty." This also drives me nuts, but I get that it's totally developmental and he actually gets the idea of the past tense. I try not to correct him but just repeat it back to him correctly.

*He's outrageously inquisitive. Questions, questions, questions all. day. long. We even get comments from strangers about how curious and inquisitive he is.

*His love language is "zrbtts." Don't know what that is?  Check out this clip. He's been practicing a soft, gentle one for Lydia. I'm still nervous.

*He's obsessed with bootys and poopy and other male genitalia. Did I mention that he's a three year old boy?

* He's really the sweetest guy in little pockets of the day. The best is in the mornings. He'll come get in the bed with me for a few minutes before I get up and cuddle. (He actually gets upset if I'm already awake and up for the day and he'll tell me to go get back in bed.) He puts his arm around my neck and smooshes his face into mine and says something to the effect of, "Awwww! You're the best Mommy." Or "I love so much." Makes me hate the alarm even more than what's normal. And yes, there are the occasional meltdowns because I've rejected a request for shows or candy, but they're far less frequent than the cloud-nine cuddles.

Of course, there's SO.MUCH.MORE that I could say about him and his personality right now.  But these are the main things I want to remember and treasure.

What a great kid we have! And what a stellar Big Brother he will be!

The Final Countdown is On...

With less than two weeks until "go" time, my mind is utterly consumed with all things baby and baby prep, as you can imagine. I've had basically zero interest in doing the typical Weekly Update, so instead you get a streams-of-consciousness for your reading pleasure. You're welcome.

Or. I'm sorry.

My heart and mind have gone almost instantly from, "Not ready, not ready, not ready!" to "Let's do this thing!" in a matter of days. My body has long since been at "done and done" status for quite sometime now, what with all the heat and heaviness. But I think it's safe to say, I've officially arrived to "ready"...heart, soul and mind.

*People ask seemingly all the time if her room is ready. And to that I say, "HA! Hahahahaha! Ha." Not even close. It's much better than it was according to this post and I've at least gotten her clothes washed and folded and put neatly away. Most of her "stuff" (babies have so.much.stuff for being so tiny) has been organized and kinda-sorta put away. But her actual room is still a disaster. And you know what? That's absolutely okay. There is very little need in me to have the nursery all set up and picture-perfect right now. Definitely not a priority. I mean, she'll be bunking with us for the foreseeable future anyway and that space is mostly ready to host a newborn.So, the fact that the crib is still in the box and there's a couch covered with junk in the middle of the room honestly doesn't really bother me one bit.

*After staring at it for the majority of this pregnancy, I finally got my trusty old breastpump down from the top of our bedroom closet this morning. It's been three years since I've used that thing...or even opened the bag and looked inside. As I opened the bag up, it dawned on me why I've been avoiding it all this time. Because as I was sifting through the parts, making sure I still had everything, a flood of memories came rushing in. And let me just say...not a single one is a fond memory. Although I can't say how grateful and appreciative I am for that thing, (it *helped* me sustain life for my child three years ago and allowed me to feel like I was a good mom...because apparently, "only breastmilk is good for baby." Oh, how thankful I am that I've grown up since then and can see how incredibly wrong and misled and pressure-filled that statement is!) I absolutely hated that thing. Loathed it. I caught myself cringing and groaning as I tried to remember how to put it together. I felt as if I were experiencing a level of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

And then I texted Matt a picture of it and mentioned how not ready I am for all that again. And then I sat down and laughed at my new-mom self from three years ago. And then I prayed and asked the Lord to bring peace to my heart about everything involved in breastfeeding. And I asked for favor for things to work out better this time and I thanked Him for a fresh perspective this time around, knowing that everything really will be okay, formula does not kill a newborn and my children will be insanely loved and taken care of regardless of how they're fed. It's all about that hindsight, y'all.

*This little girl has shifted in such a way that I now see the weirdest, most unidentifiable body part sticking out near my belly button ever-so-often. She's doing it right now. I mean, maybe it's a foot??? I don't know. And I probably never will know. But she has begun the decent into over-staying her welcome. Not because it's been too long of a stay, (although it kinda has) but because I feel as if she's taking advantage of me and my patience. Y'all, she's feisty and fierce and very sudden with her big, strong movements. I feel like she's been observing her future life with her wild, energetic brother from the inside and is doing all she can to prove that she can keep up. And I'm okay with that...except that she's abusing my insides in the process.

*Josiah is getting more and more excited, asking just about every day when she's coming. Poor kid just has very little concept of time so I've tried to show him on the calendar what day today, then I point out the day she's coming (explanation below) and we count how many days in between. He kinda gets it...but not really. And he's just so anxious to get to "help" her play with her toys. He talks about the activity mat every.single.day and even requested to see pictures of himself playing on his activity mat. It was fun going through some of his baby pictures with him. I'm hoping it gives him an idea or two of how little Lydia will be.

Also, just a little funny I want to remember: I didn't think about putting the breastpump away before I left to pick him up from school and it was still sitting out on the coffee table when we returned home. Of course, he immediately saw it and was fascinated by it. I mean...it has buttons and stuff! He wanted to play with it and I tried to explain that it was not a toy and that it was very expensive. He wanted a demonstration of how it worked. Hmmmm. So, still clothed, I tried to explain to him how it worked. He especially loved the sound it makes. Which also caused more nervous flashbacks for me. Amazing how a simple sound can do that. So, he's been asking about it all evening. Which leads me to a question I'd like to pose to some of you moms...especially moms of older brothers...

How did you explain breastfeeding to your child(ren) when you had another? We don't really talk about boobies so much around this house (still more focused on the male parts) and he never really sees me totally exposed. I'm sure it'll all be fine and no big deal. Just wondering how to best make that adjustment.

*So, here's the Reader's Digest version. The unabridged will be a separate post of it's own someday. I started this pregnancy (actually long before I got pregnant) knowing that I wanted to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I wrote a little bit about that here. But as time went on and it became apparent that it would be highly unlikely, my heart shifted and I chose to schedule a csection. So, yes. I got to pick her birthday. Controversial topic, apparently, but I did. And we've chosen to keep the date mostly a secret. Of course, we told family because they're family and we love them and because we needed to make sure we had someone lined up to watch Josiah. We told our UHXA staff because we are in the middle of Welcome Week (that actually lasts far longer than just one week) and it totally affects them. And I've been honest with a few people who have outright asked me that date because I have a hard time bold-faced lying and because it sounds so arrogant to say we're not telling.

So there ya have it. We'll for sure be having a baby in less than 2 weeks. There have even been a few times when I've been somewhat convinced that we won't actually make it to the date scheduled because...you know...that's how babies are. They come when they want. And it's almost never convenient. Just about every night I tell Matt that I'm trying to keep her in there, but I think he's still nervous that she'll come before the week is out. I, for one, would be totally okay with it. But it would put him under tons of stress. All in all, the Lord knows.

It's crazy to think she'll be here soon. I can't wait!

A Few Monday Things

Be prepared for the outpouring of several unrelated (or so I thought) and irrelevant thoughts from my brain.

• Today is Monday. It seems as if Mondays are just tough all across the board, no matter what your industry is. Not sure what it is about Monday. Can't trust that day. (Name that tune...shouldn't be too hard.)

• I'm 37 weeks pregnant today. That used to be considered full-term, but the same authorities who say pregnant women can't eat anything but spinach leaves and organic apples have also decided full-term is now 39 weeks. Whatever. I'm claiming full-term today. AND...I'm celebrating this phenomenal accomplishment with an extra cup of coffee, some sushi and a ride on a roller coaster. (Just kidding...but not about the extra cup of coffee. It is Monday after all...we've been through this already.) But seriously. How in the world am I already this pregnant? How has that much time already passed and how is it that I could pretty much give birth any day now? It's a weird mixture of me feeling that much more exhausted at the thought (a total mind-game) and feeling overwhelmingly grateful and relieved. I could have this kid today and she would most likely be totally fine and healthy. Such a big deal and I just don't want to take it for granted. Thank you, Jesus. And also...please, Jesus, don't let her come today. It's Monday. Every other day of the week is fiiiiiiiiiiine. Yeah.

I'm sensing a theme brewing.

• Why, you ask, am I so reluctant to having a baby today? Well...because my house. If you could only see it. I was having a conversation with my sister in law earlier today where she told me she doubted that my house was really in a state of chaos. I sent her these pictures. 

Scary, huh? The first two pictures are my living room right now. And only a portion. We are swimming in little girl clothes and baby stuff and unnecessary furniture (anybody wanna buy some couches or an antique dining room table???). It's so wonderful a problem to have, really. We just don't have anywhere else to put it all right now. The last picture is the "nursery" that Matt is working so hard to get painted and cleaned out, but keeps getting interrupted. I did not send her a picture of the dining room or my son's room or the garage or the kitchen. For the first time in all of married life together, our bedroom is probably the cleanest room of the house. 
I try to not get too stressed out when I look at all that and think of how we have less than 20 days to go and back to school madness is beginning in less than 2 days. At least we have the bare minimum needed to bring home a baby. We have a bassinet set up in our room and we have diapers and wipes. Probably should get that car seat installed and some of her clothes washed. Eh. It'll get done at some point.

Oh, the joys of doing this the second time around. So much less pressure to have every little thing in order. 

• I'm happy to announce that the next bag I have to pack (for myself) is my hospital bag. We've gone somewhere or have been out of town for something or have spent the night in so many different places this whole summer and it's been...fun-ish. Well, it was for a time and to a certain extent. I'm just so exhausted of living out of a suitcase. But the time has come to finally settle down...for a couple weeks. Which is actually a good chunk of time compared to the rest of the summer. 

I think that's enough. I told you it'd all be irrelevant. 

Trauma in the Night

There are several things about living in Houston your whole life that one should be used to by the age of 30(ish). One is the heat. Not just a little extra warmth from the sun. We're talking about sticky, suffocating heat. The kind that hits you like a ton of bricks when all you've done is crack the front door open. The kind that makes you wanna repent and get right with Jesus cuz if hell is anything like this...or worse (which, it is)...then my pet sin is just not worth an eternity of this madness. In Houston, we experience at least half the year of this and I should be used to it by now. But...nope. Not used to it. And probably never will be.

Another thing I've never, and will never, get used to is giant, mammoth, roaches. Not those puny, little roaches that are a result of not cleaning your kitchen. Sure, those suckers are totally disturbing. But that's not what I'm talking about. No, I mean the kind that come in from outside...and are ENORMOUS...and fly. Cannot, will not ever be used to those. I hate them. HATE. hatehatehate. They make me angry and sick to my stomach and make me freeze up in terror. Nothing else in the world makes me wanna cuss (just keeping with my policy of being honest) and nothing can paralyze me so bad.

I can think back to a handful of experiences that really defined this phobia in my formative years. The memories are so insanely vivid, I can recount details of those times better than I can remember birthdays and Christmases growing up.

I even have a whole theory about how they must have been recruited by Lucifer when he fell. But it's really just me trying to still be okay with God being their creator and being a good God. It may sound stupid, but I feel like I can trust Him more if I can assume they just made a choice to join the dark side.

But I digress.

Well, not really. Because all this explanation lends to set up why I may have to go to therapy in the near future. (Kind of not joking).

Last night, around 2:30am, I woke up from a dead sleep because I thought I felt something on me. It's hard to judge because I've been sleeping with several fans blowing on me and usually it's just the air blowing on my skin. I swatted and felt around. I felt nothing. I grabbed my phone to use the screen as a light. I looked everywhere, checking in the sheets and all over the bed. I saw nothing. Must've been the fans.

I realized I needed to pee like an 8.5 month pregnant woman usually does at 2:30am, so I got up. I went pee. (Matt was still up reading or watching something in the living room...as is his night owl custom). I walked back to the bedroom and did another "thorough" check of the bed and it's surrounding area. I made a choice to not be paranoid and worked for a few minutes to get myself comfortable.

As I was finally drifting off to sleep again, I felt something on my inner thigh...inside my shorts. Get that? Inside my shorts. Again, I swatted and this time, I felt something that doesn't belong there. I yelled and swatted some more and grabbed my phone again. I looked in the spot where I felt the thing and didn't see anything. I must've swatted it successfully away. But I still needed to find it or I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. I looked around and eventually found it on the back of my calf. Sure enough. It was one of those monsters (nicest word I can say). FREAK OUT. I slapped it off of me and went running for the door to call for Matt who came in with a shoe. Luckily, I hadn't swatted it too far away because we were able to find it and he killed it and he's my hero.

The roach was dead. But the damage was done. I couldn't calm down. I was sweating buckets and my heart was racing. I went into the typical crazy tailspin of, "Where did it come from? How long was it there? Was it what I felt the first time? Then where did it go? Why did it choose me? Where are the others? Where did it come from???" My poor husband. He just stood there and offered his usual, "I don't know."

There was no way I was staying in that bed or that room so I grabbed my pillow and went and sat on the couch to cool off a bit and calm down. I eventually ended up in bed with Josiah, but totally didn't really sleep at all. Not only is his bed one of the single worst beds I have ever slept on (poor kid), but I kept feeling things crawling all over me. Every 10 seconds. And when I would finally drift off to sleep, I would have some of the worst nightmares...not even related to creepy-crawlies. Just scary junk.

I'd like to say that this was the first time this has happened. But it actually happened a couple weeks ago. In bed alone and I feel something on my leg (same leg). I chalk it up to the fans blowing through my leg hair (cut me slack...shaving is hard these days), only to find out it's a freaking giant roach that's been getting his late night giggles from walking around on me for who knows how long. That time, Matt came right in with a shoe (I still think it's funny that he recognizes the type of terror in my tone and doesn't even consider that it's a different kind of intruder) and ended up staying in bed with me, watching over me while I fitfully tried to fall back to sleep.

Why do I tell this story? For several reasons.

1. I find it a bit therapeutic to write it out and come to grips with my experiences, as disturbing as they may be.

2. I just need some good, old-fashioned sympathy. I am a middle-child, after all.

3. I'd like to use this as a thorough explanation as to why I will be taking donations to build a solid brick wall fence around our house. Or, at the very least, to hire a professional exterminator. My sweet, hard-working, thrifty husband has tried with his store-bought bug spray, but as you can so plainly see, it just ain't cuttin' it. Momma needs the real poison.

36 Weeks: Less Than a Month!

So, it's been about a month since I've typed one of these things up. And I only have about a month left to go, so I figure I should document some things.

How Far Along: 36 weeks. That's less than a month. Commence the freakout of, "when did this happen? and "how are we already here?" and "wasn't I just peeing on a stick???"And then I think about how insanely long this summer has been already and it makes a lot more sense to me.

Size of Baby:  Large. I'm sure I could look at my cute, little Baby Center app that tells the weight or length and compares it to a food item. OR...I could simply take notice of the giant boulder between me and the keyboard upon which I type that is actually making it rather difficult to type effectively. She's big. Or I'm big. We're both pretty big.
 
Gender: My sweet, sweet girl. I cannot wait to see her.  

Movement: She just doesn't stop. Remember that one time when I was all "I love all the movement and I'll never get tired of it and I could never complain about it?" Yeah...welp. I lied. She hurts me. And she wears me out. And I do absolutely cherish it...I do. But gosh. I'm ready for her to wiggle in my arms and not on my organs.

Maternity Clothes: Oh! How I wish it were publicly appropriate to wear stained tank tops that are too short to cover the boulder, with my bra straps sticking out and my old faithful Reebok running shorts that are clocking some serious overtime and deserve a lifetime achievement award! But alas...it is not. No matter what the other folks in Walmart think/say/do. It is not appropriate. And because of this...I long for fall and all it's extraordinary layers more than I ever have before in my entire life. Sweaters! Jeans! Boots!
Glory. 

Sleep: Just something else to whine and complain about? Hmmm... Let me just say it for you...because I know how much people like to remind giant pregnant women of their eminent future..."The lack of sleep you're getting now is only preparing you for all those sleepless nights of being up with a newborn." Roger that.

Cravings: That crazy need for daily ice cream is still topping the charts. It's gonna be a hard habit to break. Probably gonna have to go cold turkey.

What I'm Missing: Very many things.

Symptoms: Very many things.

Best Moment This Week Month: Here's some sunshine and daisies amongst the wah-wah-wah of the third trimester. Last month was packed full of fun, family and travels. In short, and because they all truly deserve posts of their own:

I got to hang with my besties in Austin.

I was given yet another wonderful, super fun baby shower with the ladies of Chi Alpha.

The fabulous hostesses who put SO MUCH thought into every single detail. Love them dearly!

We got to beach it up with the Hoogendoorns in Galveston.

Photo Cred: Paige Johnson (she's awesome!)

We stayed for a few extra days on the island for a mini-vacation with my little family.

In addition to all that, we had Staff Week which ended in a retreat of sorts on the lake and got to visit several wonderful churches who support us mixed in all that. Whew! That was a lot! Isn't summer grand?

Looking Forward To:  Calming the heck down. But alas...we're really just getting started. With the start of school just a couple weeks away, we've already hit the ground running with plans for Welcome Week and all that that entails. We're also trying to get this house in a position to host another human being. It's amazing how much such a tiny creature needs in order to survive.
So...life isn't really gonna calm down anytime soon, so what I'm really looking forward to most is this girl's birthday.

Daddy's Involvement: Does he ever stop? No, I tell you. He does not. If he's not chasing our Wild One around to give me some rest, he's fixing one of the cars (they kindly alternate their break-downs...sorta), or calling insurance companies and hospital financial departments, or making a special trip to buy me some ice (and usually some ice cream too), or cooking dinner (or picking it up from somewhere), or treating me to a massage. This week he's hauling furniture and rearranging our home and painting the "nursery" to get ready for this babe...all while feeling on the sickly side. If I thought it wouldn't stress him out more, I'd secretly spend extra money to treat him to a massage. (Maybe I'll do it anyway. Just don't tell him.) Oh hey, Matt! Hey. You're awesome. ;)

Big Brother's Involvement: I think he's ready. Maybe more ready than we are. He's constantly begging to put her crib together or open one of the many boxes of gadgets or toys that I've received at showers. He'll randomly mention her name and ask how much longer until she's here. He asks questions all the time about her. The other day, we were walking around Walmart and he saw a big ol' poster in the baby section with a picture of a baby. He asked me if that was Lydia and it spawned a conversation about what we thought she'd look like. And to top it off...PBS Kids announced that our beloved Daniel Tiger (a cartoon spin-off of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood) is going to be a big brother! Oh man! Could not have timed that any better. The episode hasn't aired yet, but they constantly have commercials and ads for it. Josiah's already memorized the catchy tune about the baby joining the family. I'd bet money that baby ends up being a sister...and how perfect! It's all just too exciting!

Doesn't he just look like a big brother here?

 

Stay Here

Dear Josiah,

 My heart is so full of a thousand different emotions right now concerning you. We've had a long,  hard summer, haven't we? We've been very much together just about every single day for the last couple months and it's honestly just been so tough. Not only am I big and pregnant and wildly hot and super uncomfortable, but I've also been running dangerously low on patience. I snap and yell and just plain lose it so much faster than normal. I've rolled my eyes and said your name in an angry tone far more times than I care to admit.

And you've been...well...three.

So independent. And boundary- annihilating pushing. And inquisitive. And sassy. And adult conversation-halting. You've developed quite the case of selective hearing and you so much more prefer to just do your own thing instead of choosing to be obedient. You've had bounds and bounds of energy and have really become quite creative. Of course, Mommy hasn't had the energy to keep up with you or the mental capacity to give you constructive outlets for all your wild creativity.

You ask about half a million questions a day. And most times, they don't even make sense. And other times, I have no idea how to explain the answer to you. Your little brain is growing so fast that you want to know so much more than you even have the developmental capacity to understand just yet.

And Buddy? That's just so exhausting for Mommy (and for Daddy too.) And it can be so frustrating for all three of us to feel limited in our abilities to communicate and understand each other.

And you know what else is frustrating? To not be able to play with you like you want and like I want. I wish I could take you outside and play with you, but it's just too hot right now and it makes Mommy sick to be outside for too long. The doctor has told me not to. I wish I could have tickle-fights with you and let you jump on me and rough-house together, but I just can't right now. And someday you'll understand it's because of your growing sister, but I won't tell you that right now. No need to start a resentment so soon. For now, you can just know that it's because you're getting so big.

This afternoon, when you were watching shows on my phone and I was trying to take care of a bunch of different household chores (laundry, cooking dinner, dishes) I walked up behind you and gave you a hug. I was on my way to get the laundry basket so I could get clothes out of the dryer and keep things going so we'd have clean clothes. I had no intention of sitting with you, but you said, "Stay here."

So I sat down and you cuddled up to me. (You much prefer my lap, but it's basically non-existent at this point.) I put my arm around you and you rested your head on my chest. You didn't take your eyes off the shows, but we sat like that for a minute. Then, I realized I had started boiling water and probably needed to check on it and get dinner going and the dryer had already buzzed and the clothes were getting wrinkly...again. So I started to get up and you whispered, "Stay."

So I relaxed again and you nestled even deeper into me. And I just sat and stroked your hair and held your hand and when you switched your position, I just studied your face. Your six little, barely visible freckles on your right cheek. And your adorable overbite. And the hairs on your neck that probably need to be trimmed...again.

And I forgot about the laundry and dinner and the dishes.

Because, for a moment...we got along. I wasn't ordering you around and yelling at you for doing something you weren't supposed to be doing. And you weren't making a mess or try to hurt me or being annoying. You were just being my boy. My Best Buddy. The baby that grew up too fast.

For a moment, I wasn't struggling with the overwhelming feelings of being an unfair mommy with expectations that are way too high.

For a moment, you were telling me, the best way you know how right now, that you love me. And I didn't even realize how deeply I needed to hear you say it. But when you said, "Stay here," you spoke so much more than that.

Josiah, I love you. I love you so, so much. And it's been a hard couple of months, but I know it'll get better. And we'll keep learning each other. And God will continue to give me the grace to parent your unique, little personality the way you need me to. And He'll continue to strip me of my selfishness. And we'll probably butt heads again (I mean, it only took about 2 minutes after that precious moment for me to have to tell you to do something 7 times), but I can promise that I love even more each day that I get the privilege to know you.

You're such a big deal to me, Buddy. And as long as you'll let me, I'll stay right next to you.

Love,
Mommy

32 Weeks

Y'all.

There's less than two months left of this shenanigans. Ridiculous. I still can't decide whether to be grateful and excited that we're almost done. Or intensely freaked out and stressed because we have done essentially nothing to get ready for this child. If I'm honest, I definitely lean more toward just being done with this crazy summer pregnancy. If I had a dollar for every time in the last month or so that I've said (or thought) something to the effect of, "I will never ever be pregnant in the summer again," I'd be rich enough to vacation for the rest of the summer in Canada.

I wish I could tell you that's all the complaining for this post. But I'd be lying. And the least I can do for whining and complaining to you is to at least be up front and honest about it.

So, anyway...

How Far Along: 32 weeks, 8 months, 56 days left. 

Size of Baby:  The weight of a jicama.
 
Gender: Little Girly-Girl. I'm starting to warm up a little more to the idea of having a girl. And if I'm honest, the clothes are starting to kill me...in the best possible way. I got a load of adorable, little girl clothes from a friend and they weren't all PINK! Score! (Seriously...I feel like we'd be totally set for the first couple months with just this one pile, but that's not even all that's coming. What a major blessing!) And if you know me, you know I'm not huge on giant bows and ridiculous tutus. I definitely enjoy a sweet little matching bow and the occasional tame tutu, but nothing that's gonna take away from the natural beauty of my child. But I've kind of fallen in love with the little outfit below. She may already be too big for it once it's Christmas time, but I think it's just too cute and is definitely getting my girly gears going.

Movement: So much moving. All the time. Little hiccups way down in my pelvis and a booty or something almost always sticking out of the top of my belly. She's to the point where she's kind of distracting in situations where I'm supposed to be listening, like church.

Maternity Clothes: My mom did the sweetest thing and took me shopping last week for some new clothes to help me through these last two months...and most of it should even work beyond that too! We got several new dresses and tops that are mostly appropriate to wear in public. Can't even say how much it helps my outlook to not be so stressed about getting dressed.

Sleep: Well...whatever. I'm learning that ya just can't have it all. We've been traveling quite a bit lately and will continue to travel the rest of the month and into August. And I can either be cool or comfortable. But never both at the same time. Bummer.

Cravings: Ice cream and ice top the list. But with all this traveling, what I'm really craving is a good, cold smoothie or salad full of veggies.

What I'm Missing: Not sweating. Constantly. Even if my upper half is cooled off, my lower half refuses to ever not be sweaty. This may borderline on TMI, but let's just say...there are certain items of clothing that get changed several times in a day. Never felt so perpetually gross in my life.

Symptoms: I've had some pretty bad lower back pain this last week that has made it really difficult to get around.  And I'll try to do all the normal stretches I usually do when I have back problems, but a giant belly seems to get in the way. I've also been so thirsty that I simply cannot drink enough water to stay quenched. I'm gonna really have to watch that the further along I get. Not that you want to know, but I've never had chafing this intense before in my entire life. Or heat rash in places you'd rather not hear about.

Best Moment This Week: My wonderful extended family in Dallas threw me a baby shower this last weekend. It was so great to see everyone, even if for a brief time, and watch as they loved and honored my little girl and our family. Matt's family also had a small, sweet celebration for Lydia too when we were out in the Hill Country a couple weeks ago. They all chipped in to get her crib! Yay! Can't wait to get it all set up.

Looking Forward To: Getting to spend some quality time with my besties later this week. We're headed to Austin for a quick overnight trip just to be together, just us girls. We've been wanting to do something like this for a few years now, but one of us was either having a baby or moving across the world or getting married, etc. Two of the three of us are very pregnant this time around, but it seemed like a good time to finally just do it. Kayla is bringing her little girl this year, and next year, we'll all three have daughters with us. I hope it becomes a summer tradition...A Mother- Daughter Retreat.

Daddy's Involvement: Matt has been the champion of The Great Financial Debacle of this pregnancy. Without going into all the dirty details, we had some pretty crazy, stressful financial issues when I was getting ready to deliver Josiah and there was a situation the last couple weeks threatening to cause all the same stresses and chaos. But my awesome husband kicked into "oh no, you didn't" mode and took care of it all. It totally wasn't easy and definitely caused a few sleepless nights and I'm so, so, so grateful he chose to fight for me and for our family to have the best delivery experience possible. Thank you, Love! You're the best!

Big Brother's Involvement: I randomly saw this book (in the picture below) at Ross when I was trying to find something to give to Josiah to keep him occupied while I shopped. I had really had no intention of actually buying it, because I had no time to read it to him first, but then I saw that it was only $3. And it turns out it's his new favorite book (of the week, anyway). It's actually even sparked some great questions from him and some good conversations to help us all get ready. The premise of the book is that a little boy gets a new baby and has to wait for what seems like forever until he can play with the baby. So, in the meantime, he learns how he can still be a helpful big brother while waiting. Josiah has been asking what big brothers do and how can he help with Lydia and so on. It makes me grateful for the age gap of 3.5 years. It's not quite how we would have planned it, but the Lord knows what He's doing, right?

He thought Lydia might like to hear some lullabies so he put this bunny in my lap.

30 weeks: The Downward Slope

There is no real "milestone" that comes with the turn of the 30 week mark, but there's still something about that big 3-0. It's this magic little number that makes it all feel so close, yet still so far away. I mean, you say, "Only 10 weeks left!" And it sounds like nothing. But then you convert that to months and it becomes two and half months away still...way too much time left.

How Far Along: 30 weeks...and growing

Size of Baby:  How much does a head of cabbage weigh anyway? These food comparisons are getting weird.
 
Gender: My feisty little female friend

Movement: That girl doesn't even try hide the fact that she likes to kick things off my belly. If I have a pillow in my lap or am resting my phone on my belly. She even just just tried to kick the computer off my lap. And when Josiah tries to cuddle in my lap, it never fails to get her riled up and she starts kicking. (I tell him she's trying to play with him.) I keep trying to get a video of all her alien-like movements, but she's just too sneaky for all that.

Maternity Clothes: Let's just not talk about it.


Sleep: I remember that rite of passage of having to get up 2 or 3 times a night to pee. Well, I don't really have that this time around. But instead, I'm woken up 2 or 3 times a night in a pool of my own sweat. Or maybe it's pee and I really have needed to get up. Gross. Anyway, sleep is not horrible, but getting progressively more difficult. 

Cravings: Ice Cream has been a major one this week. I just wanna eat ice cream for every meal. Oooh, and you know what else sounds so good right now? A steak! With some yummy sauteed mushrooms! I mean...a salad. Yeah. Like a really green salad with tons of veggies. (Am I convincing you?)

What I'm Missing: Getting up quickly. Bending over without needing to barf. Eating anything without wicked heart burn getting the better of me. Clothes that fit appropriately. The beauty of an afternoon cup of coffee. The list goes on, but I don't wanna be one to complain.

Symptoms: Besides all the other stuff already mentioned above...major hot-flashes and some crazy hip/lower back pain and ridiculous leg cramps in the middle of the night.


Best Moment This Week: Getting to tour the hospital was a major highlight. Since we're switching hospitals and this new one is vastly different from the one we delivered Josiah in, we chose to go check out the new one. I cannot say enough about how relieved and excited and confident I am about our upcoming hospital stay! Their whole birthing philosophy more closely matches and accommodates our hopes for this birth experience. I left feeling on top of the world. We even attended a little half-hour seminar on breastfeeding right after the tour, which is the closest thing to a birthing class we've ever been to. Again, we both left feeling so much more prepared and confident for this little addition to come. 

Looking Forward To: Hanging out at the river in the Hill Country for the next few days. I'm not so excited about the drive out there or the prospect of having to squeeze myself into a non-maternity, one-piece swimsuit (I'm already exhausted just at the thought). But it'll be good to just relax and unplug. 

Daddy's Involvement: Coming with me to the hospital tour and keeping a straight face through the "breast class" (as he accidentally referred to it). He even listened attentively while I went through all my anxieties and over analyzing about all the unknowns of labor and delivery. I've thought through all the various potential scenarios and have expressed all my hopes and ideals and even tried to plead my case on some of the non-negotiables.

Big Brother's Involvement:Poor guy's cuddling space is getting limited and he just seems to keep getting more and more clingy. I love, love love when he wants to cuddle (usually after naps) but it is getting not only difficult, but kind of painful also. He loves to check in on his little sister and ask how she's doing today. And he she gets daily kisses from him. If he forgets...we have to stop whatever we're doing so he can give her one right away.

Pregnancy Faves

It seems like y'all appreciate my honesty. So, here's another honest statement for your day:

I'm really whiny and needy and I have a problem with thinking I don't have enough of ALL the things I need. No, really. I constantly have a running list in my head (or written somewhere) of the many, many items that we're out of or that we need to get. You'd be so annoyed if you heard how many times I said/thought, "If I just had __________________ my life would be so.much.better. How do I know you'd all be annoyed? Because I'm annoyed with it...and I'm me.

This about sums up the truth.

 Am I right?

So...why am I saying all this? Because I really have noticed my lack of gratefulness for the thousands upon thousands of things I do have. I've noticed a shift in my thinking that I've had to actually make the effort in changing. When I get all "Woe is me! Everybody has all the things and I have none of the things and my life is so lacking and miserable" I look around and take note of all the things I do have that do make my life better or easier.

Hence, this post of some of my recent favorite things as they relate to making my life better and/or easier in terms of pregnancy. Basically, this is an attempt at me realizing how much I have to be grateful for.

**Note...there is a lot of mention of things. As in, material possessions. Items that can be purchased. With money. Which seems to be leaking out of our back pockets these days. Which is why it feels like we have none. And no money means the buying of no things. My life is actually made richer by the many, many wonderful, beautiful, eternal relationships I have. Not things. BUT...sometimes having things can make a person feel like they're happier...even if only temporary. Which is usually the case. Anyway...not sure where this rabbit-trail is headed, but I felt the need to say that I value human relationships so much further above concrete, inanimate objects. And I'm ever-so aware of all that I have in my (non-material) possession that make my life so beautiful. The end. **

Moving on...

Food:

1. This yogurt. So good. And perfect for those mornings when I need a quick breakfast that has some nutritional value, but don't have time for my beloved scrambled eggs with sauteed mushrooms. And cheese. Just being honest. Cheese is goooood.

2. Paired with the above-mentioned yogurt, these varieties of granola. Both found at Trader Joe's. So much yum.

3. These protein (?) bars. They've been so great to just throw in my purse. I'm at that point in pregnancy where I'm not necessarily ravenous all the time anymore, but I do get some wicked heart burn if I go just a little too long without something in my belly. I can never eat a whole one in one sitting, but I'll take a few bites to fill me up before heading into church or a meeting or something where I know it may be awhile before I can eat. They're also perfect for a pre-workout snack in the early mornings before I've had a chance to make my normal breakfast.

4. Tums. These are not food. And they are not my favorite. But they do fall into the category of making my life better. Can a pregnant woman OD on tums?

Clothing:

1. These t-shirts from Target. I have one in black and one in white and they get worn several times a week. Probably too many times. But they are so versatile. And they're just about all I have that still semi-covers the belly for public outings. And sadly, it seems like they're shrinking up on me. Must be the darn dryer. (cough, cough)

2. These shorts. They have been the single best purchase, most utilized piece of clothing this whole pregnancy. And you know what? I got them at a thrift store. For four bucks. Boom. They totally give me away as a mom, but I don't even care. They're shorts. And they're generally comfortable. And they can be worn in public. So...win.

3. These shorts (in black) are also helpful. My mother in law got them for me from Walmart. They're just a size bigger than normal, but because they have a drawstring, they sit comfortably. I mostly wear them to work out or run quick errands...or when my very favorite pair of shorts are being washed. Which leads me to...

4. These shorts. They have my heart. And my rear. I actually got them last summer (from that same thrift store, believe it or not) and I could've sworn I would have already out-grown them by now. But...nope. They just keep doing their job of keeping me cool and comfortable. I live in these shorts. I sleep in them. They are the last thing I take off when I need to get "dressed" (for public) and the very first thing I put back on as soon as I get home. I love 'em. Can't live without 'em.

These aren't the exact ones, but very similar.

*Side note: Apparently, I wear quite a bit of black. Camouflage of  pregnancy. And other times.

5. These bra-extenders. Getting a little personal up in here. I didn't have need of anything like this during the last pregnancy, but apparently my ribs are expanding. They come in a package of three and have made me so much less grouchy. My sports bra, especially, was really ticking me off. Which was unfortunate, because it wasn't like I needed any more excuses to not workout during this hellish-hot, I'm-a-whale summer. But the extenders to the rescue!

Miscellaneous:

1. This lady. Or gentleman. Window units typically do not have a gender. But this one...oh, this one is like my bestest friend. We hang out together all day, every day. You could never know (none of you...not even you, Mom) the impact she (I guess it's a she) has had on my life in these few short weeks. My attitude is better. My health is better. Even my energy levels are better because of her. I hurry home to get to her. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is go to her and turn her on. I just can't say enough about her. She's my second favorite girl in the whole world. And now that I know she's a she, she needs a name. Any suggestions? I'm thinking Elsa. ;)

2. This app. It's so fun! I can track how much water I've consumed in a day (a lot), count those precious little kicks from my first favorite girl in the whole world, look up just about any topic relating to pregnancy, check if a medication is safe, the list goes on! It even has some yoga stretches and acupressure tips.

3.This lady. Okay, really...the lady, herself kind of annoys me. I'm sorry. She does. Maybe it's all the endorphins flowing throughout her veins, but she's a little too perky for me. I mean...look at her face. I usually roll my eyes at her no less than 3 times per workout. BUT...her workouts are so great for low-impact pregnancy exercise. And there are a ton of them on Youtube...for free. (There are some on HULU too, but only portions of a workout, not the whole thing.) I'll try to do a 2 mile walk at least once or twice a week and a one mile a few other days when it's raining or too hot outside to walk the park (read: most days).

That about sums up this edition of My Life Really Isn't So Miserable Because I Have These Things to Help Me.

Yay.

Confessions of a Sunday Morning

Yes, it's Monday. I know. But I didn't get a chance to write this out until now. So deal with it. ;)

Here's some honestly for your day:

Sunday mornings are...well...interesting, to put it nicely, in our home. I'm

fairly certain we're not alone in this. Right? (Lie to me.)

There are very few things that are more frustrating than watching yourself

balloon up on a daily basis with clothes that seem to be shrinking at

lightening speed. And the clothes that do marginally fit still are

either kinda ugly or incredibly uncomfortable...oftentimes both at the

same time. Sure does wonders for a woman's self-esteem.

And what just adds insult to injury, is a horrible haircut. Awful. And no,

I'm not being dramatic. I currently have THE WORST haircut I have ever

had in my life. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I just ask,

"What the heck what she thinking???" She didn't just give me a kind of

mullet. It's a really bad, uneven mullet. So much win. And there's

really not a whole lot I (or anybody else, really) can do about it. It

just sucks.

So...imagine me on a Sunday morning in front of the mirror. Trying to get ready for church. Attempting to look somewhat nice and appropriate and put together. (**NOTE: the people in

my church probably couldn't care less what I look like. Not because they

don't care about me, they just love me regardless of how I'm dressed or

what my hair looks like. They're pretty wonderful like that.**)

So can you imagine that scene? A large, wild woman, huffing and puffing

around a hot house, on the verge of exploding into tears or expletives

because of her less-than-ideal appearance that she seems to have

absolutely zero control over.

Lovely, yes?

Then add to that the grown man dragging his feet and being essentially

unresponsive because he's still practically asleep, 1) because he's

never a morning person and loathes waking up and 2) didn't get much

sleep the night before.

Also add the high-energy child who wakes up begging to watch shows and eat candy all morning and

throws the mother of all meltdowns because he interprets the word "no"

as a promise that we will cut his fingers off one by one.

Again, just being honest with you. This is our reality. And I'm confident

we're not the only ones who have a similar version of this ugly madness.

(Just lie to me.)

Once we get our act together enough to get our butts in the car, probably a few choice words shared among the three of us, we may or may not be on time.

We start driving and I (aggressively) share with my still sleepy-eyed husband how

incredibly frustrating it is to hate so much the way I look right now

and that I can't do anything about and I don't wanna go anywhere or be

around anyone and I don't wanna smile and pretend to be so happy, happy,

happy with life right now. Don't wanna. Can't make me. Hmph.

And our lovely child is in the backseat already begging us to not take him

to church. We win as the best Christian parents ever.

My husband tells me how tired he is and sore and not feeling well. And

asks if we should just not go to church at all. Maybe we can just go get

breakfast somewhere instead and get in some early naps.

And it's definitely a tempting offer.

But...heck no. I just put my body through a half marathon to try to get dressed

and ready to go to church. And we don't just go to church when we feel like it. Because guaranteed, 9.5 times out of 10...we don't feel like it. There are always a thousand excuses/reasons to not go, but

that's not who we are. And that's not who we're teaching our son to be.

We don't just do what comes easy all the time.

So we go. And we muddle through worship. I try to get my heart right and put

my mind and thoughts on Jesus, because He is the ONLY reason we are

there, or alive, in the first place. I try to convince myself that He

doesn't care what my hair looks like. It works enough for me to finally

get the scowl off my face and relax my tensed shoulders.

Worship is over and while we are giving tithes and offerings, they worship team sings Holy Spirit

by Bryan and Katie Torwalt. This is the furthest thing from a new song

to me. I'm actually really over it because it's been so over-played in my world.

But as they sing, I think of the words. Not for the first time, but in relation to how my morning has gone.

There's nothing worth more

That could ever come close

No thing can compare

You're our living Hope

Your presence Lord

And I'm flooded with the reality that there really is no other thing or
place that could satisfy like the presence of the Holy God. Nothing else
compares with the sweetness of the presence of the Lord. Instantly, my
soul and my heart has been refreshed. No amount of extra sleep or an
endless wardrobe or hair like a goddess or breakfast with my family
could ever bring fulfillment like what the Holy Spirit brings to my
life.

I want to say this: could we have possibly had an encounter with the
Creator if the Universe if we had stayed at home or gone somewhere else?
Absolutely. The Holy Spirit is not and will not be confined to a
building with a steeple and certain number of worship songs sung with
people perfectly dressed. We could have met with the Father any and
every where...if our hearts had been an atmosphere of welcome to Him.
(Side not: they weren't.) 

But I am so grateful for a church home that is so intentional with being a place that

welcomes the Holy Spirit to come in power and truth to refresh and

uplift and even convict when needed. At the end of the day, there is no

place I'd rather be. 

28 weeks

How far along: 8 weeks...officially third trimester as of last week. We're in the home-stretch now, baby!

Size of baby: an eggplant

Movement: Poor baby girl got squished a ton over the last week. We were in the car for a good amount of time and she's been sitting pretty low, right where my lap meets my tummy...where the seat belt rests. We were in my dad's car and his seat belts do that anaconda-grip thing where is refuses to loosen and just gets tighter and tighter, making me wanna punch somebody. Everybody else in the car loved being with me. She's also playing the same game Josiah played where she'll move around like crazy, all over my belly so you can see her, but then be perfectly still when I'm trying to get someone else to see it. Little toot.

Maternity Clothes: It's sad, because I'm already needing to get a few more shirts that are long enough to cover my large protrusion. Good thing I've got a few good XL tshirts and a couple of long-ish tanks to hopefully last the summer.

Sleep: I only wake up because I'm uncomfortable and need to roll over, or I've ended up on my back and can't breathe anymore. And I'm usually drenched in sweat when I do wake up. So frustrating.

Cravings: SWEETS! Today I'm actually craving some veggies and fruit, but really only because being on the road for several days doesn't typically lend itself to healthy eating. I tried. Okay, not really. I enjoyed that Texas Burger and Arby's and pizza. Just paying for it now. And looking forward to a good, veggie-filled salad tonight.

Symptoms: Indigestion hasn't been too bad (until all the fried, greasy foods happened), but my hips hurt like crazy. Also, my doctor discovered I was anemic, which has been the cause of light-headedness, dizziness, being out of breath too easily, heart palpitations and insane exhaustion. The heat made it so.much.worse and it's been quite a hot couple weeks. So, she put me on that lovely iron supplement and told me I needed to drink more water than is humanly possible. Do they make pull-ups in grown-woman sizes???

Worst Moment This Week: I don't usually include this unless there's something notable that I want to remember. My Granddaddy (my dad's dad) passed away early last Monday night. He had been pretty sick for the last couple years after getting in a fight with a mosquito carrying West Nile. He should have died then, but the man is a fighter, and lived a few more good years. Of course, death is always tough to handle, but it was a little more bitter because my father was having to bury his father (and last living parent) on Father's Day weekend. The only real benefit to times like these is that you get to see and spend a little bit of time with family you don't always get to see. And also, the hope of life after death, free from pain and suffering.

Granddaddy with all his great-grandchildren two Christmases ago.                                    (Photo cred: my cousin's wife, Leslie)

Best Moment this Week: Even in the middle of a week of obvious sadness and mourning, there were several highlights and sweet times. But HANDS DOWN the best moment of the week was last night when I came home from doing a bit of we-have-nothing-but-spoiled-milk grocery shopping to find my husband, on HIS day to be celebrated as a wonderful father, going out of his way to make my life that much better. He was finishing up installing a brand new window AC unit in the living room. If you've ever been to my house in the summer months...you know how big a deal this is. If you haven't...you've never really experienced Hell on Earth.
Simply put, we live in an old house that has saran wrap for windows and cracks in the doors and holes in the duct work in the attic. Sounds lovely, eh? It really is a great little house and we (my husband) have put so much work into it to make it more liveable and beautiful, but the cruddy AC problem suddenly got infinitely worse once I became pregnant for the entirety of the summer . My body is a freakin' oven...constantly. And the 7 different fans we have in every room of the house seemed to only be pushing around the massive amounts of hot air. So, after tossing around the few options we had for a quick fix on a nothing budget, we finally decided on the window unit. Best.decision.ever. Does every other room in the house still feel like Hell's Closet of Suffocation? You betcha. But at least I can sit in my chair, in the room where we spend 85% of our 24 hours and find some sweet, blessed, beautiful relief. Seriously. I've already cried three times.

Isn't she lovely?!

Bonus: the box doubles as an entire HOUR, yes hour of entertainment.

Looking Forward to: Baby Showers!!! YAY!! YAY!!! Double YAY!!! There are already 2 scheduled for July and I am beside myself excited. And grateful. I honestly wasn't sure if there would be any, seeing as this is the second kid and we basically have all the "necessities" already. But it's always sweet to know that people already love and want to shower your other kid before they're here, ya know? I'm excited to get to spend time with all those wonderful people too. So fun!

Daddy's Involvement: If you need any more convincing that my baby daddy spoils me besides that lengthy paragraph up there, just know that this is only one example of how he is constantly going out of his way to make sure I'm comfortable and happy and healthy. All the time.

Gosh, I love this man.

Big Brother: I've noticed he's been a little extra affectionate with me the past few days. LOTS of extra kisses and hugs and cuddle and "I love you's." But he makes sure to balance it all with extra sassy-ness too. He's asked a few questions about Lydia recently, but not much interest out of the ordinary. It is getting much harder and riskier to pick him up and carry him and play (rough-house) with him lately and I think he's noticed. I just keep praying that he doesn't project blame on his sister. I would much rather he not make the connection that it's because of her that Mommy can't do what she used to. I would rather him be mad at me than be resentful of her. So I've had to be careful with my wording and reasoning. It's such a big deal to me to get their relationship started off with as little sibling rivalry as possible. There may need to be an entire separate post about my thoughts on all this...I have a lot. But in the meantime, I'll leave you with a shameless Big Brother pic of the week.