Picking a New Doctor

*Original post date: 01-5-14*

Picking a doctor is a tough choice for us this time around. Last time, I had already been seeing a doctor recommended by one of my bosses for regular gynecological visits. He was such a kind and gentle older man and I LOVED his nurses and office staff. His professionalism was light-years beyond my previous (and first) doctor who gifted me with a few colorful horror stories. Seriously. She was the worst. I probably should have reported her or something.

Anyway, it was an easy choice for me because he already had all my records, etc. But towards the end of my pregnancy, Matt and I both started feeling rather uncomfortable and pressured and like he was really focused on making any extra dollars off of us that he could. And then my labor and delivery proved that he just wasn't to be trusted as having my best interest at heart. Hindsight is SO 20/20, my friends.

(If you don't wanna read through all that...and I can't blame you...to find out why I'm not going back to the same doctor, just know that I ended up having a completely medically-induced labor ending in c-section when that was the very last thing EVER that I wanted.  Was it maybe truly the best thing for me and for my baby? Maybe. Possibly. I mean, I trust the Lord. But I don't trust that doctor. Not anymore.)

So, here we are. It's been almost 3 days since I took a positive test and I have no doctor. I had already done a ton of research on VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean) and am aware that very few typical OB/GYNs agree to perform them. I called a birth center conveniently near Josiah's school (appointments before pick-up!) earlier today and she immediately turned me down. Unless I wanna try for a home birth. Uhhh...not that brave or confident. In fact, just imagining that happening gives me a little giggle.

She did give me the name for a doctor they recommend as being friendly to VBAC patients. I googled him. And all I found were unsavory news reports on how he had a history of neglecting patients that resulted in several malpractice suits. YIPES!  If that wasn't enough...and it was...his office was also on the other side of town. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I must admit, I started to get a bit defeated. Maybe it's not the end of the world to just have another routine, scheduled c-section. Women do it all the time. Perfectly healthy women. Even women that I know and love and admire and respect. Strong women. How much easier would that be? Not only could we hand-pick this child's birthday (and fit it to work with what's sure to be THE CRAZIEST MONTH OF OUR LIVES!!!) (Did I mention already that this kid is due to arrive two weeks after Welcome Week? Oh Father, your timing is something else.), but I've already done the c-section thing before. I kinda know what to expect whereas with a normal birth...what?!?! Ahhh! Oh my gracious...I don't know. I just don't know. Too many questions and unknowns and uncertainties. Yeah...another simple c-section sounds great.

But as I began to pray and allowed the Lord to quiet my mind and my fears, I felt even more strongly that I needed to not give up so quickly. My body really hasn't recovered so well from that cesarean and I'm not getting any younger. It'll be even more difficult the second time around to repair the damaged muscles. I really had to ask the Lord to help me check my motives for wanting to try for a VBAC. Yes, I feel like I have something to prove and I have a "right" to have the kind of childbirth experience that I "deserve" and...so on. But I'm not sure any of those reasons are genuinely honoring to the Lord. They might sound nice in our humanistic society. I just want what JESUS thinks is best for me, for my body, for this baby, for our whole family.

So all that rambling leads me to this:
After more research, I finally have a few names of seemingly highly recommended doctors who are widely known for their support of VBACs. I'm planning to make a few calls first thing tomorrow morning and I'm praying for wisdom and favor and clarity from the Lord.

I'll update later.

***UPDATE***
After waiting two weeks to finally get an appointment, we saw a woman who is likely to become one of my very best friends over the next several months...and maybe beyond. My new doctor (in the Texas Children's Pavilion for Women in the Med. Center) is wonderful! She was super kind and helpful and gave us both plenty of time to ask all our silly questions. But the best thing of all was how supportive she is of me attempting a VBAC. We both left that first appointment with so much peace and hope. Both of which we never really experienced before. I'm so thankful that I know a God who is concerned with even these small things in my heart. 

*Maybe this is the time to clarify, because I'm sure someone reading this is thinking how naive I am. I have zero problems with ending up with another cesarean birth. I did it before and I can do it again. I have a beautiful, perfectly healthy son who was born with a perfect, little round head and no puffy eyes. But I absolutely (still) feel very cheated out of the chance to go into spontaneous labor and see what this body of mine can do. (I definitely have had to walk through the process of forgiveness with my previous doctor...it's a long road, folks, but I'm on my way.) And I am no doctor, but I've gotten to know my body in these 30 years and I believe I could've waited a lot longer to be induced, which possibly could have eliminated both the need for an epidural and major surgery that I've had quite a tough time recovering from.
My desire for a VBAC is simple: God gave me this magnificent, intricate, miraculous body and I just wanna see what it can do! No stress either way.