With less than two weeks until "go" time, my mind is utterly consumed with all things baby and baby prep, as you can imagine. I've had basically zero interest in doing the typical Weekly Update, so instead you get a streams-of-consciousness for your reading pleasure. You're welcome.
Or. I'm sorry.
My heart and mind have gone almost instantly from, "Not ready, not ready, not ready!" to "Let's do this thing!" in a matter of days. My body has long since been at "done and done" status for quite sometime now, what with all the heat and heaviness. But I think it's safe to say, I've officially arrived to "ready"...heart, soul and mind.
*People ask seemingly all the time if her room is ready. And to that I say, "HA! Hahahahaha! Ha." Not even close. It's much better than it was according to
this post and I've at least gotten her clothes washed and folded and put neatly away. Most of her "stuff" (babies have so.much.stuff for being so tiny) has been organized and kinda-sorta put away. But her actual room is still a disaster. And you know what? That's absolutely okay. There is very little need in me to have the nursery all set up and picture-perfect right now. Definitely not a priority. I mean, she'll be bunking with us for the foreseeable future anyway and that space is mostly ready to host a newborn.So, the fact that the crib is still in the box and there's a couch covered with junk in the middle of the room honestly doesn't really bother me one bit.
*After staring at it for the majority of this pregnancy, I finally got my trusty old breastpump down from the top of our bedroom closet this morning. It's been three years since I've used that thing...or even opened the bag and looked inside. As I opened the bag up, it dawned on me why I've been avoiding it all this time. Because as I was sifting through the parts, making sure I still had everything, a flood of memories came rushing in. And let me just say...not a single one is a fond memory. Although I can't say how grateful and appreciative I am for that thing, (it *helped* me sustain life for my child three years ago and allowed me to feel like I was a good mom...because apparently,
"only breastmilk is good for baby." Oh, how thankful I am that I've grown up since then and can see how incredibly wrong and misled and pressure-filled that statement is!) I absolutely hated that thing. Loathed it. I caught myself cringing and groaning as I tried to remember how to put it together. I felt as if I were experiencing a level of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
And then I texted Matt a picture of it and mentioned how not ready I am for all that again. And then I sat down and laughed at my new-mom self from three years ago. And then I prayed and asked the Lord to bring peace to my heart about everything involved in breastfeeding. And I asked for favor for things to work out better this time and I thanked Him for a fresh perspective this time around, knowing that everything really will be okay, formula does not kill a newborn and my children will be insanely loved and taken care of regardless of how they're fed. It's all about that hindsight, y'all.
*This little girl has shifted in such a way that I now see the weirdest, most unidentifiable body part sticking out near my belly button ever-so-often. She's doing it right now. I mean, maybe it's a foot??? I don't know. And I probably never will know. But she has begun the decent into over-staying her welcome. Not because it's been too long of a stay, (although it kinda has) but because I feel as if she's taking advantage of me and my patience. Y'all, she's feisty and fierce and very sudden with her big, strong movements. I feel like she's been observing her future life with her wild, energetic brother from the inside and is doing all she can to prove that she can keep up. And I'm okay with that...except that she's abusing my insides in the process.
*Josiah is getting more and more excited, asking just about every day when she's coming. Poor kid just has very little concept of time so I've tried to show him on the calendar what day today, then I point out the day she's coming (explanation below) and we count how many days in between. He
kinda gets it...but not really. And he's just so anxious to get to "help" her play with her toys. He talks about the activity mat every.single.day and even requested to see pictures of himself playing on his activity mat. It was fun going through some of his baby pictures with him. I'm hoping it gives him an idea or two of how little Lydia will be.
Also, just a little funny I want to remember: I didn't think about putting the breastpump away before I left to pick him up from school and it was still sitting out on the coffee table when we returned home. Of course, he immediately saw it and was fascinated by it. I mean...it has buttons and stuff! He wanted to play with it and I tried to explain that it was not a toy and that it was very expensive. He wanted a demonstration of how it worked. Hmmmm. So, still clothed, I tried to explain to him how it worked. He especially loved the sound it makes. Which also caused more nervous flashbacks for me. Amazing how a simple sound can do that. So, he's been asking about it all evening. Which leads me to a question I'd like to pose to some of you moms...especially moms of older brothers...
How did you explain breastfeeding to your child(ren) when you had another? We don't really talk about boobies so much around this house (still more focused on the male parts) and he never really sees me totally exposed. I'm sure it'll all be fine and no big deal. Just wondering how to best make that adjustment.
*So, here's the Reader's Digest version. The unabridged will be a separate post of it's own someday. I started this pregnancy (actually long before I got pregnant) knowing that I wanted to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I wrote a little bit about that
here. But as time went on and it became apparent that it would be highly unlikely, my heart shifted and I chose to schedule a csection. So, yes. I got to pick her birthday. Controversial topic, apparently, but I did. And we've chosen to keep the date mostly a secret. Of course, we told family because they're family and we love them and because we needed to make sure we had someone lined up to watch Josiah. We told our UHXA staff because we are in the middle of Welcome Week (that actually lasts far longer than just one week) and it totally affects them. And I've been honest with a few people who have outright asked me that date because I have a hard time bold-faced lying and because it sounds so arrogant to say we're not telling.
So there ya have it. We'll for sure be having a baby in less than 2 weeks. There have even been a few times when I've been somewhat convinced that we won't actually make it to the date scheduled because...you know...that's how babies are. They come when they want. And it's almost never convenient. Just about every night I tell Matt that I'm trying to keep her in there, but I think he's still nervous that she'll come before the week is out. I, for one, would be totally okay with it. But it would put him under tons of stress. All in all, the Lord knows.
It's crazy to think she'll be here soon. I can't wait!
